Below are the 9 most recent journal entries recorded in windrummerboy's LiveJournal:

Friday, June 29th, 2007
5:41 pm	damn it! I am so tired right now. I also havent had any sex in FOREVER... man its slowly getting to me... :'(... so lonely and abandoned. W. *tear* Current Mood: frustrated (Comment on this)
Thursday, June 21st, 2007
10:26 pm	the twenty third protocol into the infinity of thoughts   I have become the epicenter a mental gravitational pull the nucleus of an absolute silence the original fountain of particles... I am filled with empty vacuum a chain reaction with no ending derived from an infinitesimal destructive force growing unstoppable into eternity an image of a cristalized thought creating a bridge across forever... a cingular abandoned being devoured by trillions of microparticles I am the exoskeleton of my own reflection nothing but an inferior paradox, condemned... the abyssmal void of my own shadow eclipses my only way to be free... nothing but a microscopic piece... nothing but an infinite machine... I implode into myself as my cells multiply all the universe is nothing but a pattern of my beign... a voiceless scream of dust and echoes the invisible, the terrible blackness the beggining of the end has ended... one a dimension known to one two the mind's mirrors facing each other three embody that which can only be described... as Despair. ...I... initiate self destruct sequence countdown initiated. Current Mood: devious (Comment on this)
Friday, June 15th, 2007
12:24 am	speechless for the first time in a long time I have no words to describe how I feel right now. I am so...so happy. I cant even put it into words.  W. Current Mood: sleepy (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Thursday, June 14th, 2007
9:55 pm	Awake I'll let Dream theater tell you again...they said it best: Awake: Safe in the light that surrounds me Free of the fear and the pain My subconscious mind Starts spinning through time To rejoin the truth once again Nothing seems real Im starting to feel Lost in the haze of a dream And as I draw near The scene becomes clear Like watching my life on a screen and I am finally Awake from the pain that I felt... Current Mood: awake (Comment on this)
Wednesday, June 13th, 2007
10:54 pm	Finally free I'll let dream theater say it...since they said it best: FINALLY FREE: Friday evening The blood still on my hands To think that she would leave me now For that ungrateful man Sole survivor No witness to their crimes I must act fast to live through this I think that theres still time she seems hopeless and lost in his words I live into the words that I wrote This feeling inside me Finally found my truth, I've finally broke free No longer torn in two nothing now matters I am losing all Feeling good this friday afternoon I ran into my beloved Said we'd get together soon She'll always had my heart she needs to know Ill break free of the miracle Its time for me to go This feeling inside me Finally found my truth, Ive finally broke free No longer torn in two I've found my way now, if she only knew Their love renewed Theyd rendezvous In a pathway out of view They thought no one knew Then came the shadow of the night Open your eyes... I know everything... One last time Well lay down today One last time Until we fade away One last time Well lay down today One last time We faded away! As my feelings lie still And the ending draws near feelings rise through the air All my fears disappear, it all becomes clear A blinding light comes into view My old soul exchanged for a new And now my voice comes shining through: This feeling inside me Finally found my life, Im finally free No longer torn in two I learned about my life by living through you... This feeling inside me Finally found my life, Im finally free No longer torn in two Living my own life by learning from you... Well meet again my friend... ...someday soon W. Current Mood: happy (Comment on this)
9:41 pm	today today was a weird day, I come to the realization that some people have a double standard in life...and I used to have it too. I also now know that the fact that you are a certain age makes more or less guilty of something. I also noticed that I am cery open at other people's points of view. I have been terribly depressed lately. but my mom today once again hit the nail when she approached me and said "remember when you were with Anna and you couldnt see the happiness you were going through?" and that hit me in the head like a hammer! I am having a pretty good life here living with them. I should be thankful for it and try to be happier. they deserve it.  Anna is funny man, she gets worked up really easily and her stress takes the best of her. it really makes her look cranky and unnaproachable. she is totally bipolar now, she writes like she is so happy or so calm. and when I call her she is ussually in a hurry, or stressed out, or mad at me for something... she gets mad easily even when I agree with her... maybe its just my luck and I call her at the worst moments all the time. it is so bad that she even told me that the next time she is not picking her phone up! lol. I dont know but I miss the Anna I used to go out with. I wonder if this is what michael gets or is it just me? oh well. Also Denise and I have been talkin on msn and I asked for her advice, about what should I do in my situation...but I completely wasted my time, she has those feelings for me and she keeps telling me how much she hates Anna for hurting me like this... its funny also how Denise and Anna have never spoken or seen each other and yet they hate each other, lol. I understand, its because they both love me... kinda the same as me and...oh wait... he doesnt hate me... hmmm... maybe he doesnt love her? I dont know... whatever! as I was saying, Denise keeps insisting that she loves me, that she wants me to be happy and maybe she can do it, that things have changed, that if Anna is giving her ex a chance how come I dont get the same rights?, that she would never make the mistake of replacing me like that again, that she has never met a guy like me in the time she has been without me, that I always was number one in her heart, that Anna doesnt know what she is doing... and so on and so on and so fort...  and frankly for a second I considered it, yes readers I did. I thought that maybe Denise could make me happy if I give her the chance that michael is getting. after all Anna doesnt know if she loves him and yet there she is driving to his house every time. bue you know what readers? I am past that whole "Rebound" mentality. I am past the whole "fight fire with fire" thing Im sorry Denise but you had your chance to make a choice back then...and you made your choice. it was a choice with consequences...and this are the consequences. I will never be your boyfriend again, sorry.  I am waiting for another woman's choice.if Anna keeps doing this "in the middle"  until I no longer want to be with her anymore then so be it. but I will see this situation to its conclusion. I love Anna very much, with all my heart, but honestly...how much can you strech a rubber band before it breaks? also my friend Otto was having some trouble with his girl. (they solved it tough).  and he called me for advice, for that I am honored. not much else to report so I am leaving.  will it work again? W. Current Mood: indescribable (Comment on this)
Monday, June 11th, 2007
10:37 pm	questions... and more questions.... Questions...Answers... Good night readers,this post has a different ending than the one on myspace...  I dont know how much time has passed since I layed my eyes on her. yes, her. I am once again writing about her. nobody really tells you when you fall in love just how much painful it is to lose. and I guess that makes sense...nobody will love ever again otherwise. how much of this is real? I wonder a lot of times... how much of everyhing I take with me every day... it is very funny how everything I own will rot on the ground without me, but my memories will be with me till the very end. I just hope that when my end comes, people will remember me like I remember her. I will be so honored. I am sitting all alone in the darkness of the living room, and I cannot remember the last time I felt this sting rght here in my chest, this sensation behind your eyes and nose that tells you that you need to cry...but you dont do it... you wont get that luxury. I close my eyes and I can see her in my head, smiling at me. how many smiles I saw that now I cannot remember, how many times she hugged me and I didnt huged her back? how do I feel now? well that question has the most difficult answer in the world right now, its a mixture of anger, confusion, sadness,and loneliness... not a pretty recipe uh? but then again it is exactly the kind of medicine my soul needed to learn a valuable lesson. maybe one day I'll be as happy again, till then I will do the best I can every day. all of our lives we try to find the person that will make us happy, even if they are right there in front of our faces. dream on thinking that you will never find her/him. trust me you probably already did. everything reminds me of her. its incredible. I wake up and my first thought of the day is about her, I leave and there's cats outside which of course reminds me of her being that that is her favorite animal. I go to work and I write things on paper... little drawings...that end up destroyed because when I am done I always get a burst of anger that mashes everything. every song in the world reminds me of her. I write lyrics thinking of her too... I am probably freaking you out readers... but IF...IF I do... get the fuck out of my blog and please...please... dont come back, I oficially hate you ok? I am a mess (for those of you who stayed), I havent shaved in a couple of days, I smell like the inside of an ass, I havent slept more than a couple of ours and well my mood has been like that one of Guts from the manga "Berserk" (one of the..or in my opinion THE best comic ever done since the beggining of time). a lot of people try to speak to me about how I should go out with other girls... but then comes the feeling of confusion that seems to be above everything right now... should I do it? it sucks because she seems to be doing well with everything and she wont come back... but why then do I keep myself here waiting? why do I everyday think that maybe she will show up or call me and tell me that everything is going to be ok? why do I keep these hopes? I have no answer other than I am now part of that group of people that hold on to an impossible... now I finally know why even though Robert is one of the worst people I have ever met, there are girls ready to die for him even though he hurts them again and again... now I know why they do it. love is blind readers...and there's glass shards in my eyes. everyone keeps trying to cheer me up... but honestly... just leave me alone. as alone as I can be, I need to listen to my inner voice. I need to find the answer within me... oh no...I just had a terrible thought! what if the answer has already made itself evident but I refuse to do it...because I am holding on to this impossible! oh man... I am so fucked up...lol hahaha now I laugh at this misfortune of mine. I am weird. very weird. Another question popping in my head is should I go to europe and leave everything behind or should I stay here and pursue something... but WHAT!? I had a rockstar dream and that its pretty much vomit on the floor ready to be cleansed. I had a newfound dream of being with her and starting something big... but we all know how that ended... My brother and Klaus and well, some others have been telling me that I should get the band going and get it signed...should I? well I have nothing keeping me here in miami anymore... the heartache cannot get any worse right? and I am definitely pissed off enough for the music industry. I am still thinking about it... a lot. so there's that possibility of drumming again, there's the staying here and be a cop like I said I would... or leave to Europe and start something there? write for a living if everything goes right... on a far away country with different people, different weather, different everything. I am so in between with everything...I have no Idea what to do... like a child lost in the woods. sorry to be repetitive but is the truth. God damn I am so...there's no words guys! another thing is...should I open my arms to her if she comes back? . . . . . . this is the thoughest one. because in the state I am in...I dont know. . . . I dont know... . . . . can someone please help me? anything please? . . .. . . no? I miss her terribly... I love her with all my heart... and my inspiration is gone. W.  Current Mood: rejected (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Sunday, June 10th, 2007
1:55 pm	the band is back! Readers, Winder will be playing drums again for REAL this time. with my brother on the bass, Klaus on the guitar, and possibly Joel on the voice and second guitar, we will be doing covers and maybe...maybe! some originals.... the covers will include Iron maiden, Metallica, Sepultura, Megadeth, Pantera, and well... whatever request you fuckers have! =) so if you want a song heard played by us then send a message and we shall certainly consider doing it. one of the features of this fantastic and fun project will be that I will be playing some songs live BLINDFOLDED. yes readers, I will pull a Yoshiki on stage. I am in a very good mood and between videogames and music, my problems fade away into whirlpools of fun and smiles amongst people that are loyal and truly care for me. thank you Danny, Will and klaus. you guys rock. be ready Readers! the band is back! W. Current Mood: happy Current Music: Iron Maiden (Comment on this)
Thursday, June 7th, 2007
8:13 pm	siete de junio del año dos mil siete The Dance of the Skeletons under the pale, shiny moonlight above the skeletons dance in our memories their limbs shine through the dark gloom the skeletons dance and dance they bid you welcome at the burial ground with perpetual smiles never more full of life its a party where no one is sweating or gets tired only jumping and dance and dance they dont wink, they lack penance no skin, no heart, no muscles and no eyes they wont stick their tongues out to you they only wish to dance and dance they dont care how much time has passed they are always at home and they are never alone to them all feels like forever, and there is never never they dance and smile and dance how do you feel? that is a simple question... but somehow it doesnt have an easy answer the skeletons think about the answer over and over...as they dance and dance here there's no sad, there's no master plan only a celebration of tomorrow, thanks to yesterday there's no jewels and their arrogance no make-up or surgeries.... just dance and dance they exchanged their lives and their expensive clothes for funny percussion instruments and a great show they tangle and kiss, they hug and they touch solving their puzzle of bones...and they dance and dance no sexual organs, no religion, no color they discovered that love sees none of that and my bones cant wait to make it to the party... and dance... and dance... and dance... W. Current Mood: mellow (2 Comments |Comment on this)